Travelling the Interdimensional Space continuum with Emit Rellevart

Within moments, the situation was far more relaxed. Sheep 1, Sheep 2, and Sheep 3 stood guarding Humpty, while Sally (now untied), Emit and Dave approached the two Dishwashers and the now unconscious Grisly-vile who was still crushed beneath them.

"Again, let me say how sorry we are for crushing your friend here," the Dishwasher that had spoken before said, "but when the porthole was opened we had just climbed on to it, in order to see what was in this machine, and couldn't help but fall through."

"Don't worry about it," Emit reassured them, "He was actually a prisoner of mine, and would have attempted to take over your dimension if he had managed to escape. You've done yourselves a great favour."

"Oh, is that so?" the Dishwasher said, its lights blinking in fury, "Well, if that was that case, he would have found himself helpless in the face of the might of the Dishwasher Dimension!!! We would have shown no mercy to him, and he would have been cut down in his prime by our most bolt-thirsty warriors!"

"Ew," Sally said, "Are you really that violent in this dimension?"
"Oh yes," the Dishwasher said, "In fact, Cultery-crusher and myself - the fearsome Plate-smasher - are two of the mightiest warriors alive in the dimension at this time!!!"
At this, Cutlery-crusher made some beeping noises.
"Ah, yes, good observation, Cutley-crusher" Plate-smasher commented.
"What did he say?" asked Dave.
"He was merely pointing out that your small, circular, metallic golf-ball-like-without-the-spots companion has entered our dimension alone, and will surely face the wrath of the all-powerful Dishwasher armies of Doom!!!"

"Wow, all that from two beeps?" Dave gasped.
"Well, that's the abbreviated version," Plate-smasher admitted.

"Look, lets not waste time talking about this," Emit said, "We'll put Humpty back in his cell, and then we have to get Renidt before anything else bad happens… where's Humpty?"
This last remark was said to the three Sheep, who were staring blankly back at the Interpol agent.
"Oh, don't worry, he's fine," said Sheep 2.
"Yeah, he just went outside for some fresh air," Sheep 1 explained.
"He said he'd be back after he conquered the dimension or something like that," finished Sheep 3.
"Ok then," Emit sighed, "We had better find Humpty too, before he causes any trouble."
"Hah! Don't worry," Plate-smasher stated, "If he tries anything, he will have the wrath of Dishwashers everywhere to deal with, and no one could survive that!!!"

"Yeah," agreed Dave, "Imagine having to wash all your dishes by hand."

Humpty Dumpling-eater, now satisfied that Sally was both firmly tied and silenced, returned to his chair, and sat down triumphantly.
"Now, you just stay there and be a good girl," he chuckled to himself as he took a mouthful of dumplings, "Not that you have a choice."
He took another mouthful of dumplings, and laughed through his teeth.
"It's only a matter of time now, until the Id TV lands in a dimension, and I can take over the…"
Humpty's monologue was abruptly cut short by the Id TV prematurely landing in a dimension.
"…world." Humpty finished.
"Ha ha! We have arrived. Now to put my plan into action!"
Leaping from the table, Humpty grabbed Sally's chair, and with strength surprising in an over-sized egg with arms, legs, and facial features, lifted the chair and Sally into the air and carried them from the room.The evil Dumpling-eater made his way quickly through the Id, apparently knowing exactly which corridors to take, and how far to travel down them, before changing to the next.
Sally, trying to remember where they were heading, was about to give up when they burst into a larger room, which seemed to all intents and purposes to be the Id's control room.

It was the Id's control room.Humpty quickly took a handy nearby rope, and tied Sally (and her chair) firmly to a handy nearby pillar.
Just as he finished, another door opened, and Emit walked into the room, clutching Renidt tightly in his hand. Obviously pleased to have captured the faulty device, Emit failed to notice the evil egg and his helpless hostage for a few moments.

Eventually, however, he did.
"What the?" he demanded.
Mildly unsure what Emit was asking with this question, Humpty ignored him and began to laugh nefariously: "Mwhahahaha!!!"
"Humpty Dumpling-eater, you fiend," Emit cried dramatically, "Let the girl go, its me you want!"
"Actually, Emit, it's not you or the girl I want," Humpty corrected, "I just want free access to this dimension, in order to take over the world!!!"
"You'll never get away with this, Humpty!" Emit announced.
In true villain fashion, Humpty stared at Emit, and, in a menacing voice, uttered those famous villain words: "I already have."
Just at that precise moment, another door flew open, and a large green evil-looking dragon-like creature, a young boy, and three sheep rushed into the room.

Grisly-vile, preparing to launch into a villainous soliloquy, paused when he saw Humpty standing there, already having completed one of his own, and was struck from behind by a sheep, which had slipped on the smooth Control room floor and was now a woolly projectile. Before he had time to utter "You'll never stop me," or "I am invincible," or even "Mwhahaha," Grisly-vile found himself lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling, with a dazed sheep lying nearby.

Humpty, still recovering from the shock of having Grisly-vile enter, and then get struck by a sheep, suddenly found himself the target of another sheep missile, and was soon lying on the floor next to Grisly-vile.

Now would have been the perfect time for Emit to recapture the two villains, except that the third sheep had struck him, and he was also lying on his back, albeit a small distance from the other two.

Dave, the only person neither tied up nor involved in the sheep missile crisis, stood just inside the door, looking upon the carnage before him, and wondering what to do.

His eyes were quickly drawn to the figure of Renidt. Now free of Emit's clutches, the small spherical golf-ball-without-the-spots-like object was quickly bouncing towards a ladder. At the top of the ladder Dave saw one of those porthole doors, like on submarines, which looked to Dave a lot like an exit (in fact, it had one of those green 'exit' signs beside it, which also suggested this).

Two thoughts simultaneously entered Dave's mind.

Dave, Sheep 1, Sheep 2, and Sheep 3 now entered a long corridor, with metal doors lining either side.
Most had small windows covered in bars, and looked like they were used for transporting prisoners far more dangerous than even Humpty Dumpling-eater.
"Hmmm, I wonder what these rooms are for?" Dave asked.
At that, a face appeared at one of the barred windows. The face was green and scaly, like a dragon, with a fang pointing up from the bottom jaw on one side, and two pointing down from the top jaw in the front. The creature had three blood-red eyes, and spoke with a voice of pure evil and malice.
"Hello, there, friendly little creatures. I couldn't help overhearing you asking what these rooms are for. Well, let me tell you. Emit Rellevart built these rooms so that his favourite guests, such as myself, could stay in peace and luxury during our long inter-dimensional trips. Unfortunately for myself, I seem to have mistakenly locked myself into this room. I was wondering if, now that you have arrived, oh friendly little creatures, that you would consider letting me out to stretch my legs."
As the creature spoke these last words, its voice darkened even more, and a low growling began to be audible from it. The words dripped with such evil intent that flowers would have withered from the mere menace that they exuded.
However, this menace failed to register at all on the four searchers.
"Ok," said Dave, and the Sheep nodded in agreement.
"My name is Dave," said Dave, as he approached the door, "And this is Sheep 1, Sheep 2, and Sheep 3. What's your name?"
"Grisly-vile" the creature snarled, speaking such venom that Dave was temporarily driven back by it.
"Oh, that's a nice name," Dave said. "It reminds me of some animals in my dimension named Grizzly Bears. A lot of people are afraid of them, but lots of scientists say that they're just misunderstood, and if you really got to know them, they're not so bad deep down. That's how I like to look at life. There is always a good side to everyone, and no matter how bad a creature might seem, there is always some good deep down insi- gark!"
When Dave had said "Gark!" it was because Grisly-vile had just grabbed him by the throat with one long thin three-clawed hand.
"Get on with it," Grisly-Vile threatened, and dropped Dave to the floor.
By now, the Sheep were beginning to get worried.
"Dave, are you sure this is a good idea?" asked Sheep 3.
"Yeah," said Sheep 2, "He doesn't seem to have very good manners."
"And how is he going to help us find a Renidt anyway?" asked Sheep 1.
"I suppose you're right," Dave admitted, "We should be looking for the Renidt still."
Sensing his ticket out of the holding cell moving away, Grisly-vile tried a different approach.
"Are you looking for a Renidt?" he asked, trying his hardest now to seem non-threatening and helpful (and yet still sounding eviler than many of the lesser levels of hell). "Well, this is your lucky day. It so happens that I am an expert Renidt finder. If you let me out, I can help you find one in no time at all."
The Sheep and Dave processed this information, and then cheered.
"Hooray," Dave said, "We can find Renidt in no time and get it back to Emit before we land in the next dimension. Then he can get it fixed and we can go home."
With that, Dave unlocked the door to Grisly-vile's cell, and the creature burst out into the corridor.

Meanwhile, far above in the Dining Room Prison cell, Humpty Dumpling-eater had just finished tying Sally to a chair, and now was stepping back to admire his handiwork.
"Mwhahahaha!" he laughed evilly and comically, a combination of laughter that only a giant talking egg with an evil disposition could produce, "Now Emit Rellevart will be forced to let me go, and nothing will stand between me and my goal of conquering the world!!!"
"Which world?" Sally asked quizzically, "Aren't there many worlds?"
"Well, yes," Humpty admitted, "But I'm not fussy. I will simply take over whatever world we next arrive at."
"Well, that's nice" Sally muttered, "I'm sure they'll thank you for that."
"I know," Humpty gushed, not hearing the sarcasm in Sally's voice, "But I'm just that sort of egg: caring. Now, hold still while I gag you; you're beginning to annoy me with all your chatter."

Dave kept sliding for a long time, until he hit into something round and fluffy.
It was one of the three sheep that had earlier appeared, only now they were in a pile sprawled on the floor, obviously having just finished sliding down the same tube as Dave himself.
There was a moment's confusion as four bodies tied to untangle fourteen legs and stand to their feet. Then Dave and the sheep looked at each other silently.
Dave was the first to speak."You haven't seen a Renidt around anywhere have you?"
The sheep stared at him blankly.
"Baa?" one said eventually.
Thinking perhaps that he hadn't explained what a Renidt was well enough (and not thinking that perhaps sheep just couldn't talk), Dave tried again.
"A Renidt is a round thing about the size of a golf ball but without the spots."
"Baa?"
"A golf ball is about this big," Dave said, using his thumb and forefinger to demonstrate.
"Baa?"
"Never mind," Dave sighed, turning and walking away from the woolly trio, "But thanks for your help anyway."
"Don't mention it," said one of the sheep.
"Aaagh! A talking sheep!" exclaimed a second sheep.
"Aaagh! Two talking sheep!" exclaimed the third.

At this, all three sheep freaked out entirely, and began baaing and screaming, running around in circles and slipping on the smooth floor of the room, before ending up in a pile once again.
This time Dave was not in the pile, and helped the sheep to right themselves and calm down a bit.
Once the screaming had stopped (which took five minutes for one sheep) Dave introduced himself and asked their names.
"I'm Sheep," said the first sheep.
"Hey, that's my name too," said the second sheep.
"Whoa! What a co-incidence," said the third sheep, "So is mine!"
"Well, that's no good," Dave pondered, "I'll have to call you something else. Is there any other names you like?"
The sheep thought for a few minutes.
"Dave!" they responded together happily.
"That's a nice name," Dave said.
"It sure is, isn't it Dave?" the sheep responded.
"Hey, wait a minute," Dave exclaimed, suddenly realizing something, "That's my name! You can't take my name. You'll have to pick something else."
The sheep fell silent for a few more minutes.
"Can I be called 'Sheep'? I've always liked that name," one of the sheep said eventually.
"Hey, so have I" said the second sheep.
"Me too!" said the third sheep, "Can I have that name, please Dave?"
Sensing defeat, Dave relented.
"Ok, then," he said, "You can all be called 'Sheep' if you want to be."
"Hooray" the sheep baaed together.

"Now what?" Sheep 1 said eventually.
"Uh," Dave paused, trying to remember what he had been doing before the three Sheep named Sheep had distracted him.
"I'm looking for a Renidt."
The sheep looked confused.
"Baa?" said Sheep 2.
"A Renidt is a round thing about the size of a golf ball but without the spots."
"Baa?" said Sheep 3.
"A golf ball is about this big," Dave said, using his thumb and forefinger to demonstrate.
"Baa?" said Sheep 1.
"Never mind," Dave sighed, turning and walking away from the woolly trio without even realizing that they had already had this conversation, "But thanks for your help anyway."
"Hey, wait," said Sheep 2, "Don't go. Maybe we can help you find this… whatever it is."
"Yeah, let us help," said Sheep 1.
"It sounds like fun," said Sheep 3.
"Ok then," Dave said, "I've always said, eight pairs of eyes are better than two."
With that, Dave and Sheep 1, 2 and 3 wandered off in search of Renidt.

(Note. The author is well aware that Dave was actually counting the individual number of eyes in the group, rather than the pairs of eyes, but, well, Dave was not).

"Alright," Emit said, "I'm going to go this way, and you two go that way. Don't get lost.
"Before Dave or Sally could say "What way?" Emit had gone, and the two found themselves alone in the Id.
"I suppose we should start looking then," Dave said.
Sally nodded, and the two stepped away from the door.
"Don't slip" Sally cautioned, just as Dave slipped, slid through a trapdoor and out of view.
"Hmmm, ok then" Sally sighed, "So much for not getting separated."
Deciding she would rather do something than just sit around, Sally walked to a nearby door, opened it, and entered a dining room.
She could tell it was a dining room, because there was a table, with chairs, placemats, knives, forks, spoons, plates, cups, saucers, candles, and food all laid out.
There was also someone sitting at the table, eating.The someone, more of a some thing really, had a round body, with arms and legs. The center of its body had a large mouth, and two smaller eyes like black buttons on either side just above the mouth. It looked a little like an over-sized egg, wore a bib around it's middle, and was eating a dumpling.
As Sally approached, the figure looked up, screamed, and dropped its knife and fork on to the floor.
"Who are you?" the egg-thing demanded in a different font.
"I'm Sally," said Sally. "Who are you?"
"I'm asking the questions here!" said the egg-thing, and fell silent.
Eventually, unable to think of another question, it said "My name is Humpty."
"Humpty? Humpty Dumpty?" Sally asked.
"No, Humpty Dumpling-eater" said Humpty Dumpling-eater. "Don't worry though, lots of people get my name wrong. Its an easy mistake to make. It's all that stupid historian's fault. Hah! Poetic license! I laugh in the face of his poetic license! How dare he change my name just to make a poem work! I still say that Humpty Dumpling-eater would have fitted in just as well!!!!"
Sally thought about this for a moment.

The Id TV was quite large inside, and didn't seem to line up with where they had just come from.
Whereas Dave and Sally had been standing on ground level, they now seemed to be on the top floor of a huge mansion, which spiraled down below them for floors.
Sally was the first to comment on this, exclaiming: "What the?"
"Welcome to my spacious abode" Emit said, smiling and gesturing to the immense area before them, "This is where I live, and travel about through the dimensions. It's not much, but it has to do until I can afford something better."

Beeping loudly now, Renidt suddenly leapt off Emit's hand and rolled off into the depths of the Id.
"Oh no, not again" Emit sighed.
"What's wrong?" Dave asked, by now having given up on figuring out the earlier statements, and determined not to be left out of the current events.
"The Renidt is malfunctioning" Emit groaned, "That's why I appeared before. I was supposed to be going to Dimension 226, not Dimension 748!"
"748?" Sally gasped, "How many dimensions are there?"
"Well, so far the Council of 1 have discovered two thousand, seven hundred and sixty three dimensions, but explorers are always finding more. Even I have discovered three myself," Emit smiled.
"What do you do for a living anyway, Mr… er, Rellevart?" Sally asked.
"I work for Interpol" the tall man responded.
"Interpol?" Dave asked, "Isn't that an international police agency in our dimension?"
"That's just what they tell the citizens of your dimension to keep them out of the know" Emit explained, "In reality, it is an inter-dimensional policing agency, so far established in over six hundred dimensions. At the moment, I am tracking a fearsome Gremblin from Dimension 51 named Mallorkan. He is wanted in seventeen dimensions for…"

Suddenly a loud exploding noise, like a jet back-firing, interrupted the conversation.
"Oh no," Emit groaned, "Renidt is at it again."
"What happened?" Dave and Sally asked together.
"We've just left your dimension, I don't know where we're headed. Sorry kids, but it looks like you're travelling with me for now. At least until I can get Renidt fixed."
"But, my parents are expecting me home for lunch" Sally said.
"Don't worry," Dave reassured her, "If you miss out, I'll give you my soup."

"We're going to have to hunt Renidt down again" Emit said, "If it manages to get out of the Id TV in the next dimension we could be trapped indefinitely."
"Wait, if it gets out?" Dave asked, "I thought it was just like a fancy remote control. How can it 'get out'?"
"Well, it is a fancy remote control" Emit explained, "Only, it's a little too fancy. It kind of has a mind of it's own. Actually, it's really good at telling jokes, when it's working properly."
"What's wrong with it?" Sally asked.
"I think it has Renidtitus," Emit sighed, "It stops a Renidt's circuits from functioning properly, kind of like someone going insane."
"Is it cureable?"
"Eventually," Emit said, "But we need to get it to the Id's control board, plug it in, and reboot it first. And that is going to be difficult unless we can catch it."
"Then what are we waiting for?" Dave exclaimed, "Let's go and find it!"
"Just be careful," Emit warned, "A faulty Renidt can cause all kinds of weird things to happen, especially while traveling between dimensions."
"Like what?" Sally asked.

Suddenly, three sheep appeared out of nowhere and skipped happily off into the depths of the Id.
"Like that" said Emit.
"Random" Dave stated.

The soup glooped loudly in an unappetizing way.
Dave looked down at it in fear, and poked at it with his spoon. The reddy-orange surface quivered slightly upon touch from Dave's utensil, but held firm.
"Mrs Wentley, what sort of soup is this?" Dave asked queasily.
"Good soup" Mrs Wentley replied, as she scooped another spoonful into her open mouth.
"Why is it glooping?"
"Dunno," she shrugged, "Must be carbonated or something."
"Uh, ok…" Dave looked down at the soup again. It looked back.
"Are those eyes floating in there?" Dave asked in horror.
Mrs Wentley paused from her eating, and studied Dave's lunch carefully.
"Looks like it" she said eventually, and returned to her own bowl.
Dave put the spoon down carefully, and pushed his chair back from the table.
"I think I'll go for a walk" he said quietly, unable to face any more staring soup for a while.
"Ok" Mrs Wentley shrugged, "suit yourself, but your soup will be getting cold. And then it gets that skin layer on the top, and…."
Her voice faded into the background as Dave ran outside and breathed in the fresh air deeply. Living with Mrs Wentley had its advantages: a bed to sleep in, accommodation for a reasonable fee, and close to his school, but her culinary tastes took a little getting used to. Still, with his parents gone, he was happy to put up with her cooking in order to have somewhere to live.He sat down at the end of the driveway, and watched a snail crawling by.
"Whatcha doing?" a voice asked, and Dave looked up into the smiling face of a girl.
"Hey Sally," he greeted her, "Just escaping lunch for a while."
"Ah, yes," Sally nodded understandingly, "Mrs Wentley been cooking again?"
Dave nodded.
"What was it this time," Sally asked, "lamb stuffed with sardines? Sardines stuffed with rhubarb? Asparagus stuffed with turnips?"
"Staring soup," Dave responded.
"Ew," Sally grimaced.

Just then, something made an impact on Dave. In saying that something made an impact on him, I don't want to suggest in any way that he had thought of something - Dave was not particularly bright - but rather, something struck him.
"Ow," said Dave.
"You ok?" Sally asked, as she reached down and picked up the object, which had landed at her feet.
"Uh, sure," Dave said, "But what was that?"
"Looks like a golf ball without the spots" Sally said, looking at the small sphere in her hand.
"Weird," Dave said, "I wonder what it is?"

At that moment, two things happened. Firstly, the small spherical golf-ball-like-object-without-the-spots began beeping, and secondly, a tall man with a long flowing cloak stepped out of thin air.
"Whoa!" Dave exclaimed. "That golf-ball-like-object-without-the-spots just beeped."
(When he said this, Dave was facing the wrong way to see the tall man. Sally, however, was not).
"Whoa, a tall man with a long flowing cloak just stepped out of thin air" Sally exclaimed, simultaneously to Dave.
At the same time as both of them were speaking, the tall man answered the question that had earlier been asked (when Dave said "Weird, I wonder what it is?"), by replying "A Random or Entered Number Inter-Dimensional Transporter, or 'Renidt' for short."

There was a moment of silence, as all three people tried to figure out what the other two were saying.
Sally, being a girl and therefore able to think faster than the other two, was the first to process all the information.
"Cool," she said, "An Inter-Dimensional Transporter. How does it work?"
At this point the tall man decided that the two statements did not need replying to, and answered Sally's question instead.
"Well, it actually works by sending out a sub-molecular electronic current through the five primary colours, rendering them temporarily invisible, then creating a spiraling vortex by reducing all atoms within a…"
"Forget it," Sally sighed, confused as soon at the man had said that there were five primary colours, "I don't think I want to know any more. Just tell me who you are and leave it at that."
"Ok," the tall man said, "I'm Emit Rellevart. And you are?"
"I'm Sally," said Sally, "And this is Dave."
Dave said nothing, still trying to figure out the other statements.
"So," Sally continued, "How did you step out of thin air like that?"
"Oh, that" Emit laughed, "I didn't. It's just where I parked my Inter-Dimensional Transport Vehicle, or 'Id TV'. The Renidt can transport you to other dimensions, but without an Id you'd be destroyed by the pressure! It's just got cloaking on to stop the natives from freaking out. It is kind of scary in some dimensions to just appear out of nowhere. Here, I'll show you around if you like."
"Great," Sally exclaimed, and handed the Renidt back to Emit.
Dragging Dave along by the arm, she followed Emit to the place where he had appeared. The tall Inter-Dimensional traveler now held Renidt, and pressed a button that Sally and Dave hadn't noticed. Suddenly, a doorway appeared in front of them, and they stepped inside.

Outside on the footpath, the snail suddenly realized that a tall man with long flowing robes had appeared out of nowhere (snails are quite slow).
"Whoa!" it exclaimed, "That guy just appeared out of nowhere!"